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One night

One night
To dream with you
One night
That I wished
You were here
I know that Is not possible
Because once you are dead
You can't come back again
And you are in a better place
Then me
There is not a moment
That I don't think about you
Yes all the years have gone bye
And I feel lonely without you
I don't have anymore tears to cry
Because I already cried enough
Today
I am not feeling at my best today
I am feeling kind of tired still
I don't care if you tell me
To wake up
I am going to sleep in today
Because I am tired

About This Poem

Last Few Words: That is a new poem Written by ALDO KRAAS

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Ontario

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, Patrick Friesen, Michael ondatje

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neopoet

5 months 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem addresses grief and longing with directness and emotional clarity. The structure is free verse, relying on repetition of the phrase “One night” to establish a sense of yearning. The language is straightforward, which can be effective for conveying raw emotion, but at times the poem relies on literal statements (“once you are dead / You can't come back again”) that may limit the emotional complexity or resonance for the reader. Consider exploring metaphor or imagery to deepen the reader’s engagement with the speaker’s loss.

The poem’s tone is confessional, and the progression from memories of the lost person to the speaker’s present exhaustion is clear. The use of everyday language (“I am not feeling at my best today / I am feeling kind of tired still”) grounds the poem in lived experience, but the repetition of similar phrases about tiredness and crying could be condensed for greater impact.

Attention to word choice and phrasing could strengthen the poem. For example, “all the years have gone bye” contains a homophone error (“bye” should be “by”), which may distract from the poem’s emotional intent. The line “You are in a better place / Then me” also contains a grammatical issue (“Then” should be “than”), which may disrupt the flow.

To develop the poem further, consider: - Incorporating sensory details or figurative language to evoke the presence or absence of the lost person. - Experimenting with line breaks and stanza structure to create emphasis and pacing. - Focusing on specific memories or images rather than general statements to create a more vivid emotional landscape.

Overall, the poem communicates a sense of loss and fatigue, but could benefit from more precise language, imagery, and attention to form.

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