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Big Apple
Today we landed
Early this morning
At
La Guardia airport
The porter caried
My bags
To my taxi
I gave the porter a tip
He thanked me
At 9:00 am
I arrived in my hotel
Across Central Park
The porter in the hotel
Carried my bags
To my room
When I got to my room
I had slept in
For a couple hours
Because I was exhausted
I woke up 7:00 pm
And I went for dinner
In the hotel
I had to eat
A green salad
First
Then a had to eat
Pasta primavera
It was my favorite
For dessert I had
Creme caramel
It was delicious
Then after dinner I went
For walk
It was beautiful
The sun was still out
I had visited the
Twin towers
I had the opportunity of reading
The names of the people
Who had died at the twin towers
And it brought me to tears
I sat there for a couple minutes
At the bench
Then I closed my eyes
And I began to pray for them
Now it was 9:00 pm
The sun went down
And the night finally arrived
Also it was a cold night
I was feeling cold
I had finally returned to my
Hotel
There was bar with alcohol
Beer coolers and soft drink
I was thirsty
I made myself a
Pina Colada
It was delicious
Then I brush my tooth
And I had changed into my
Pajamas
Then I lied down in my bed
I had fallen asleep fast
And I started to dream
I had all different dreams
The next day I could not
Remember my dreams
I guess you might say
It had vanished
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is a new poem Written by Aldo kraas
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem presents a straightforward, almost diaristic account of a day spent arriving in New York City. The structure is linear and chronological, with each event described in a simple, declarative style. The language is plain and unadorned, which creates a sense of immediacy and authenticity, but also limits the poem’s emotional and sensory depth.
The poem’s strongest moments occur when it gestures toward the emotional impact of visiting the Twin Towers memorial. The shift from routine travel details to a moment of grief and reflection provides contrast and potential for resonance. However, the poem does not linger on this moment, and the emotional weight is not fully explored or developed; the narrative quickly returns to mundane activities.
The poem’s pacing is deliberate, with each action given its own line or two. This can create a sense of monotony, as the poem often reads like a list of actions rather than a crafted narrative. The repetition of phrases such as “I had to eat” and “It was delicious” does not contribute to a cumulative effect or deeper meaning, and the lack of figurative language or imagery means the city itself remains largely un-evoked.
There are several inconsistencies in tense and grammar (“Then I brush my tooth,” “a had to eat”), which may be intentional to suggest a non-native speaker’s voice or may be unintentional errors. If intentional, this could add a layer of characterization, but if not, it distracts from the reading experience.
The poem’s conclusion, with the forgotten dreams, offers an opportunity for metaphor or reflection, but this is not developed beyond the statement that the dreams “had vanished.” The poem would benefit from more attention to sensory detail, figurative language, and emotional development, as well as a greater sense of purpose or transformation over the course of the day. As it stands, the poem provides a literal account of events without fully engaging the reader’s imagination or emotions.
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