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Oct 19, 2025
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Crazy days!
Back in old S.D.
we loved just hanging out!
We sit on summer nights,
drinking, smoking hash.
These were exciting
days for us!
It chased our
stress right out!
My friends name was Eric,
and no one put him down.
He pulled a pistol on his dad,
because he struck his mom!
Summer nights
we'd ride our bikes uptown!
And pick our girlfriends up,
bare chested wearing only boxer's.
We never got picked up,
a lot of freaks walked the street.
The insanity of our lives,
was exposed by the things we did!
There never was a more exciting time,
but eventually we grew up!
Eric was in the Presidents
military honor guard!
I was a musician,
and thrived on rock and roll.
I played guitar 6-8 hours a day,
it was all I could think about!
When I was 17 we moved,
to Oklahoma.
I sat all summer with no friends,
but needed someone, with whom to talk.
I ran away to college,
but didn't learn a lot.
At college I just went crazy,
The end seemed just in sight.
There was no supervision
and I liked the feeling a lot.
I got off on the same things,
but then my mind went south!
I developed schizophrenia!
It really kicked my but!
I wound up in a hospital
for a month and a half!
I had to learn to mediate
the mishaps in my mind.
I meditated daily,
religion was my thing!
I served a mission for my church,
and found my inside out!
Got married in 1990,
and divorced in 2011!
We had two girls and two boys,
eight grandchildren so far!
Two of whom I've never seen,
and don't expect to in this life!
There never was a reconciliation,
she got what she deserved.
As for me I just laid low,
and burned every bridge known to man!
I live in a controlled environment,
but someday I'll get out!
If I have to do it the hard way,
I'll leave everyone in doubt!
Of their own implication,
in my ensuing lights out!
It didn't have to go this way,
but in reality I think it did!
It's as if we ride an
eternal carousel!
We just cannot get off,
we play the game of experience!
You must experience all,
in order to find reality.
The reality that we are God's.
and that inside we know the in's and outs.
The seeds of intelligence exist
in everybody's mind.
You can't cook up a story'
your life just plays itself out!
When we return to the cosmos
our minds will be intact,
but now we all must struggle,
with the shadows of painful doubt!
About This Poem
Last Few Words: We've all been kicked around, more than once or twice, but in the end we gravitate to the lives we desired to possess. As for mental illness, of it's purpose I have no doubt. Experience the trauma and shock. to get the most out of life. Return to our beginnings where we can and will have no doubt! Sorry for the vent, but things are going south. I do not think it possible to explain your own existence. Forgive me if I walk off alone and never, ever come back. Tomorrow will bring the truth to light! The end of all day's within sight!
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem presents a narrative arc that spans from youthful rebellion and camaraderie to adult struggles with mental illness, family dissolution, and existential reflection. The structure is loosely chronological, moving from specific memories of adolescence to more abstract ruminations on fate, divinity, and the nature of experience.
The poem’s conversational tone and direct address create a sense of intimacy, but the syntax and punctuation are inconsistent, which sometimes disrupts the reading experience. For example, the use of exclamation points is frequent and occasionally undermines the gravity of certain moments, such as the revelation of schizophrenia or the dissolution of a marriage. The narrative is punctuated by abrupt shifts in tone and subject matter, which can be disorienting; transitions between sections could be strengthened to create a more cohesive flow.
Imagery is present but often literal rather than evocative—for instance, “bare chested wearing only boxer's” or “I played guitar 6-8 hours a day.” These details ground the poem in lived experience but do not always invite the reader to engage on a sensory or emotional level. The poem’s most striking moment—Eric pulling a pistol on his father—appears suddenly and is not explored in depth, which lessens its emotional impact. Further development of such incidents could add complexity to the narrative.
The poem’s latter sections shift toward philosophical reflection, culminating in assertions about the nature of reality and divinity. These lines are ambitious, but the abstract language (“the seeds of intelligence exist in everybody's mind”) risks diluting the specificity that gives earlier stanzas their energy. The poem might benefit from integrating these philosophical ideas more organically with the personal narrative, rather than presenting them as conclusions.
There are also issues with word choice and grammar that impede clarity, such as “It really kicked my but!” (likely intended as “butt”) and “your life just plays itself out!” (where “your” should be “you’re” if the contraction is intended). Attention to these details would improve readability.
Overall, the poem’s strengths lie in its willingness to confront difficult personal history and its attempt to connect individual experience to universal questions. Greater attention to structure, imagery, and language could help realize the poem’s full potential.
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Candlewitch
5 months ago
Dear friend John,
This poem gives a vivid portrait of most of your life and the development of your philosophies. I found it easy to read and follow. I have had a similar journey, but arrived at different conclusion. I found the Goddess and a wiccan way, or path. Nature is my homeland and "If it do no harm, then do as I feel is right" that is my credo/rule. I much enjoyed your poem.
your friend, Cat