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My Friend
He died alone one Friday night
And by the time they found him
He'd already started to rot
Three long years have passed
A thousand beautiful things
He never got to see
God, how sparse
And how far in between
The wins have been
But how much better it still is
To nothing at all
One day, death will find me
If by luck or chance
I end up where you are
I'll tell you of all these things
You never got to see
I'll tell you of how every time
I watched a storm roll in from the south
Heard the rumble of thunder
And saw the flashes of lightning
I thought of your laughter
And of the pure joy
Of your presence
I almost shed a tear last night
Thinking of you, my friend
But then I remembered
That tears do nothing for the dead
Nor the living, for that matter
A. SWANTALALA
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Three years ago in the summer my friend hanged himself. I was thinking of him when I wrote this
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores themes of loss, memory, and the enduring impact of a departed friend. The narrative voice conveys a poignant mixture of grief and acceptance, which grounds the poem emotionally.
The opening lines are stark and unflinching, immediately confronting the reader with the reality of death and decay. This bluntness sets a somber tone that persists throughout, effectively reflecting the speaker’s raw emotions. The transition from the physical reality of death to the emotional aftermath is handled smoothly, especially in the stanza that contemplates the scarcity of "wins" in life but still values existence over "nothing at all." This philosophical reflection adds depth to the poem.
The use of natural imagery—storms, thunder, lightning—serves as a powerful metaphor for the speaker’s memories and emotions. Associating the friend’s laughter with the storm’s intensity is evocative and lends a dynamic quality to the remembrance. However, some lines could benefit from more precise or vivid language to heighten the sensory experience. For example, "I thought of your laughter / And of the pure joy / Of your presence" could be expanded with more concrete images or unique phrasing to avoid abstraction.
The closing stanza introduces a reflective and somewhat stoic tone, especially with the assertion that "tears do nothing for the dead / Nor the living." This philosophical resignation is compelling, though it might be strengthened by exploring the emotional complexity behind this statement—perhaps by contrasting the futility of tears with the necessity of remembrance or action.
Structurally, the poem is free verse with irregular line lengths and stanza breaks. While this suits the conversational and contemplative mood, occasional attention to rhythm and line breaks could enhance the flow and emotional impact. For instance, breaking lines to emphasize key words or phrases might create more resonance.
In summary, the poem effectively conveys the pain of loss and the persistence of memory through honest language and meaningful imagery. Refining some of the imagery and experimenting with rhythm and lineation could elevate the emotional intensity and lyrical quality further.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
6 months 2 weeks ago
Tears...
in the proper dosage, are a powerful healing tool. Too many, and we lose sight of the great times we have shared with those gone on. I have never known someone who has committed suicide, but the idea that anyone could feel so very alone, that they no longer want to live... makes my heart hurt. I'm sorry for your loss. Nice remembrance, ~ Geez.
.
Ace Swantalala…
4 months 3 weeks ago
It's hard
To come to terms with it. You question yourself all the time, wondering if there is anything you could have done differently... Thank you for the love
Words Ablaze
6 months 1 week ago
Kutlo bothoko ya teng e…
Kutlo bothoko ya teng e maswe, to lose a friend is painful enough but to lose them in this manner ke kgang e sele tota. This poem is a beautiful tribute and remembrance to your fallen departed friend. Lovely.
Ace Swantalala…
4 months 3 weeks ago
Kutlo botlhoko waga mme
A close friend who felt so alone they had to end it all. Makes you question the kind of friend you are.
I'm happy to find a fellow countryman here
John Leslie O'Kelley
5 months 1 week ago
trail
A very traumatic event indeed. No need to mourn or worry we all end up where we want to be and that's with the ones we love. At least that's what I believe! So gifted in all of your writing, don't let the dark nights take you down. Remember the moments of joy and create a void with your mind when you' re down! Leslie! I want you to feel like you have a friend!
Ace Swantalala…
4 months 3 weeks ago
My friend
Poetry is always there for us, even on dark times. It's one of the few reasons we're still clinging on. Thank you for the love