Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

My doppelganger ranks as the criminally insane prodigal son

"Criminally insane" is an informal term for someone found not guilty of a crime due to a mental disease or defect at the time of the offense, meaning they lacked the mental capacity to understand their actions were wrong or to control them. This legal concept, also known as an insanity defense, varies by jurisdiction but generally requires the defendant to have a severe mental impairment that prevented them from having the required "guilty mind" (mens rea).

My doppelganger ranks as the criminally insane prodigal son

thank dog, I never spent time in a mental ward
hyperbole utilized for sole purpose
of my loving and undying devotion,
nor could yours even imagine
when conjectured explored
of fictitious stanzas,
such a ridiculous and far fetched notion.

just for the hypothetical
scenario of this digitally folded,
mutilated and spindled quatrain
their sole son always appeared singularly wired,
(and said singular male heir) criminally insane
both parents of mine
met their demise and expired.

yet their invisible presence forever and anon
infiltrates mine subconscious during deep sleep
who trumpets these lines,
years since they both be gone
out of the grave their lovely bones
would rattle and hum,
who no longer doth weep.

I write virtually tongue in cheek
gallows humor about
grateful dead father and mother
once upon a time
yours truly a pencil necked geek
once upon same time mad as a hatter
toward them cause
they never gave me a brother.

misunderstandings there happened to be quite a few
foremost ofttimes raging against me
about getting a job
completely baffled and irate
with their emotionally afflicted adult son
with nary a handy dandy blues clue
threatening with one ultimatum after another to wit:
staying in my bedroom,
where I imagined myself to be a heart-throb.

in reality a friendless boy,
then adolescent, and later in life a no where man
imagining quaffing draught videre licet
an electric kool aid acid test and passive resistor,
who daily day dreamt
about being abducted
by aliens flash in the pan
to escape an untenable reality
envying my younger sister.

whose fancy free
and foot loose modus operandi
she aced all classes
both in high school and college at Antioch
to date witnessed her to date being a globe trotter,
who met and eventually married a counterpart
she met at Young's Regency,
a roller skating rink he's nick named Andy,
who regularly drove to Yellowsprings, Ohio
from Southeastern Montgomery County,
Pennsylvania, which place
ain't exactly around the block.

meanwhile, I whiled precious time away
feigning seeking employment,
but actually reading
on the roof of boyhood house,
or sought seclusion at a nearby park
envisioning existence as Huckleberry Finn,
when in reality days of my life
as the webbed wide world turned
rank culled as passé.

a more relevant fantasy
finds me comfortably ensconced
in tree house squirreled away
acknowledged as poet laureate
living loving writing for money
which in conjunction
with social security disability
helps me get out of debt
impecunious no more
and being sought out
to collaborate with Bad Bugs Bunny.

Who asks the rhetorical question
what's up doc?

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: PA, USA

Favorite Poets: Robert Burns, Charles Dickens, Robert Frost, Matthew Scott Harris, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Sylvia Plath, Gary Snyder, Henry David Thoreau, Walt Whitman

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

7 months ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem undertakes a complex, sprawling narrative that blends personal history, family dynamics, and cultural references with a stream-of-consciousness style. The title sets a provocative tone, suggesting themes of identity, mental health, and familial estrangement, which the poem explores through a mix of literal and metaphorical language.

Strengths: - The poem’s voice is distinctive and conversational, creating an intimate, confessional atmosphere. - The use of legal and psychiatric terminology in the opening lines grounds the poem in a specific conceptual framework, which contrasts intriguingly with the more surreal and anecdotal sections that follow. - The interplay between humor (“thank dog,” “Bad Bugs Bunny,” “what’s up doc?”) and darker themes (parental death, mental health struggles, social isolation) adds complexity and emotional depth. - The poem’s structure, with its irregular line breaks and enjambment, mirrors the fragmented, restless mindset of the speaker, reinforcing the thematic content.

Areas for development: 1. **Clarity and Focus:** The poem’s narrative sometimes feels diffuse, making it challenging to follow the emotional throughline. Consider tightening the focus on key moments or images that best convey the speaker’s internal conflict and relationship with the doppelganger figure. For example, the shift from family history to personal fantasies to sister’s achievements could be more sharply delineated or connected.

2. **Imagery and Metaphor:** While there are some vivid moments (“out of the grave their lovely bones would rattle and hum,” “tree house squirreled away”), many lines rely on abstract or overly literal language. Introducing more concrete, sensory imagery could heighten the emotional impact and help readers engage more fully with the speaker’s experience.

3. **Tone Consistency:** The poem oscillates between humor, bitterness, nostalgia, and fantasy. This range is compelling but could be balanced more deliberately to avoid tonal whiplash. For example, the humorous references to “Bad Bugs Bunny” and “what’s up doc?” might be more effective if integrated with a clearer emotional purpose.

4. **Syntax and Grammar:** Some lines contain awkward phrasing or punctuation that disrupts the flow (“their sole son always appeared singularly wired,” “quaffing draught videre licet”). Revising these for smoother readability will help maintain the poem’s momentum and accessibility.

5. **Title-Poem Relationship:** The title’s mention of a “criminally insane prodigal son” sets expectations that are only partially fulfilled. Clarifying the connection between this figure and the speaker’s doppelganger, or expanding on the prodigal son motif, could strengthen the poem’s thematic coherence.

Overall, the poem presents a rich, multifaceted exploration of identity and family, but would benefit from more focused narrative development, refined language, and a clearer emotional arc to fully realize its potential.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact