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Bridges...
Build links
between people
and locations.
They connect me
with the past
and recalling what I used to be,
what I once was,
and who I am with.
Link ideas, thoughts, dreams and reality.
Are present
in my mind.
They are emotional,
in the essence of my soul,
give me a reason to be.
Communicate.
Construct,
and develop.
Without these bridges
I am aimless, lost
and rudderless.
I am no longer me.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: The concept of building bridges, burning bridges and crossing them- these are all important ideas for me. When Jodie and Kiran sent me the photos of the bulldozing of my former residence, that is all I could think of. What I saw was a link, a bridge to my past life. So, now, a follow-up poem about bridges is quite natural for me.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores the metaphor of bridges as connectors between people, places, and inner experiences, effectively conveying a sense of identity and emotional grounding. The central theme is clear: bridges symbolize the links that define and sustain the self.
Strengths: - The poem’s imagery is straightforward and accessible, making the metaphor easy to grasp. - The progression from external connections ("people and locations") to internal ones ("ideas, thoughts, dreams and reality") broadens the scope and deepens the meaning. - The closing lines effectively convey the speaker’s vulnerability and dependence on these connections for a sense of self.
Areas for improvement: 1. **Line and stanza structure:** The poem is presented as a single block of short lines, which can feel somewhat fragmented. Consider grouping related ideas into stanzas to enhance flow and emphasize thematic shifts. For example, separate the external connections from the internal ones, and then the emotional consequences.
2. **Rhythm and cadence:** The poem reads somewhat like a list, which can reduce emotional impact. Introducing varied sentence lengths, rhythmic patterns, or even some rhyme or repetition could increase musicality and engagement.
3. **Word choice and imagery:** While the metaphor of bridges is clear, some phrases are abstract or generic ("link ideas, thoughts, dreams and reality," "are emotional, in the essence of my soul"). Adding more concrete or sensory details could deepen the emotional resonance. For example, what kind of bridges? Are they physical, metaphorical, fragile, strong? What sensations or memories do they evoke?
4. **Grammar and clarity:** The line "Are present / in my mind" feels incomplete without a subject. Consider revising for clarity, e.g., "They are present in my mind."
5. **Punctuation:** The poem currently lacks punctuation, which can make it harder to parse. Strategic use of commas, periods, or line breaks can guide the reader’s pace and emphasize key ideas.
Overall, the poem has a solid conceptual foundation but would benefit from more deliberate structural and stylistic choices to enhance its emotional depth and readability.
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Candlewitch
1 year 1 month ago
hello T G,
I very much like your poem and have a suggestion for you, if you do not mind me saying?
With these lines:
They connect me
with the past
and recall what I used to be,
my suggestion:
They connect me
with the past
recalling what I used to be,
it is your poem. take my suggestion, use it or not. After all it is your poem and the decision is yours. I will not be upset it you discard it.
always, Cat
p.s.
I very much liked and enjoyed your poem.
The Gogetter
1 year 1 month ago
Appreciate the suggestion
Adding the "ing" made it flow Candlewitch. Thanking you very much for the suggestion. No offence will ever be taken. Most of the poets in this space have written many more poems than I have. I am ready to learn and improve.