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mark
mark
Feb 01, 2025 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the workshop:

Earn A Poem Workshop 1

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This poem is part of the contest:

02/25 A Memorable time 🏆 Winner

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Heroes

 

Extended heart attack,

A sudden, gripping fear;

In the sterile halls so stark,

Where hope is often near.

Hospital was difficult,

Each day a trying test;

With every beep and pulse,

I longed for peace and rest.

 

Pretty nurses I loved,

Their presence a gentle balm;

In their care, I found solace,

A whispering, healing calm.

Through the trials, I emerged,

With a heart both strong and new;

Grateful for the hands that healed,

And the love that pulled me through.

 

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA the bay state, United Kingdom, Australia, South Africa, Nigeria, Canada, Europe, USA

Favorite Poets: Mary Oliver: Known for her accessible and spiritual poetry that draws heavily on observations of the natural world. She often finds profound lessons and connections in the mundane, from a walk in the woods to the flight of a bird. , Robert Frost: While sometimes seen as a poet of rural life, his work is rich with observations of nature, which he often uses to explore themes of human isolation, choices, and the relationship between humanity and the natural world. , Walt Whitman: A central figure in American poetry, he celebrated nature as a force of unity and a reflection of the human spirit. His work often connects the individual to the vastness of the cosmos and the natural world. , William Wordsworth: A key figure in the Romantic movement, he emphasized the spiritual and emotional connections., Jess Taper: his profess of concentrated awareness of experience in poetry in true freestyle was profound.

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

1 year 2 months ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Heroes" effectively uses imagery and emotive language to convey the experience of a hospital stay. The choice of words such as "Extended heart attack," "sterile halls," and "beep and pulse" successfully creates a vivid picture of the setting and the protagonist's ordeal.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter to enhance its musicality and flow. For instance, the lines "Hospital was difficult," and "Each day a trying test," have different syllable counts, disrupting the rhythm.

The transition from the hospital setting to the appreciation of the nurses is abrupt. It might be beneficial to include more transitional language or imagery to make this shift smoother and more natural.

The poem's theme of gratitude and recovery is clear, but it might be more impactful if the poem explored the protagonist's emotional journey in more depth. For instance, the poem could delve deeper into the protagonist's fears, hopes, and transformation throughout the hospital stay.

Finally, the title "Heroes" suggests a focus on the nurses, but the poem seems to center more on the protagonist's experience. If the intention is to highlight the nurses as heroes, it might be beneficial to devote more lines to their actions, qualities, and impact.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rula

Rula

1 year 2 months ago

Sorry to

hear the news Mark. This is very relatable as I've been there once my self.
Please take care.

Clentin

Clentin

1 year 2 months ago

Effective icn showing the

Effective in showing the emotions of a hospital stay and your feelings about it,
Liked you poem very much.

Ruby Lord

Ruby Lord

1 year 2 months ago

Hi Mark, I think this is a

Hi Mark, I think this is a great poem. Your ability to show love and respect for those who cared for you is a credit. Hope you are getting better every day. Ruby xx

Geezer

Geezer

1 year 2 months ago

While I was...

impressed with the amount of the emotion that I felt from this piece; I was also disappointed in the lack of rhythm in places.
You switched up on the rhythm with the line: "Pretty nurses I loved". Use natural breathing to let the poem flow. Shorten a couple of lines, to make the meter smoother. ~ Geez.
.

Lavender

Lavender

1 year 2 months ago

Heroes

Hello, Mark,
Hope you are well, and on the way to a speedy recovery. This certainly is a Memorable Time as the contest suggests. Wonderful final line, and I can understand how your title fits so well with your care.
Thank you!
L

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

1 year 1 month ago

Dear Mark,

A memorable but frightening (to begin with) time! You have expressed it very well. I hope you will be here with us for a long time. My favorite lines are:

Through the trials, I emerged,

With a heart both strong and new;

Grateful for the hands that healed,

And the love that pulled me through.

Congratulations on the contest win, super job!

fondly, Cat