CCfire

May 05, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

socal

southern air is dry
it makes your mouth
tingle like a teenage kiss
picks up strands of hair
as if it wants to be
a sure and certain lover
at night it sighs
across palm trees

across streets where
apartment windows
lie open to its charm
a guy watching a game

a woman
smoking and
watching it drift
further away
with all her dreams

and me
on the edge of a chair
teetering
on the wire
weaving words
as a safety net

tonight
i am not sure
what it is
i'm afraid of

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: [This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Melbourne, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Bukowski, Neruda, Rumi, Gibran, Jeffers, Corso, Waldman, Kerouac

Comments

Roscoe Lane

14 years 11 months ago

First run,

First run through and i think it's another great poem, you have an art of atmosphere. Will look back later when i have more time, but first impression are well my first sentence tells you. Regards Roscoe...

CCfire

14 years 11 months ago

Thanks Roscoe, it's always a

Thanks Roscoe, it's always a boon for a muse when you're on vacation in new places :)

Ayaz Warith

14 years 11 months ago

I appreciate the whole scene

I appreciate the whole scene you ahve woven in this lovely piece. Its artistic values are unmatched.
Thanks for sharing
Regards
Ayaz

CCfire

14 years 11 months ago

So-cal..it's a short form for

So-cal..it's a short form for Southern California that people use here :)

CCfire

14 years 11 months ago

Well I could but then poets

Well I could but then poets never listen to advice, I take my lead from the master of understated narrative, Bukowski...'don't try' just write beer shit and people will read it.

scribbler

14 years 11 months ago

hi

Hope you're having fun out there. Now some alternatives from an unrepentant rhymer lol.
L-12 change the to a
L-14 delete and
L-22 change writing to weaving
L-50 tell stan to leave you alone lol
A good job of describing the atmosphere. San Diego or L.A.?........................scribbler

CCfire

14 years 11 months ago

Right in between Scrib..:)

Right in between Scrib..:) Off to a Padre's game tonight.

Esker

14 years 11 months ago

loose change

alphabet soup from the food bank
my account hemmoraged from no trust
the water leaking through the railing
like a clever moth through the webs

I read your works and am entranced
Bukowski I get snippets from now
and then The greats of that marvelous
time in the fifties writing writing writing
I shall keep on trucking as was said
ten years later
writing writing writing

Your prose provokes me further
and I am astounded and dazzled

thank you Poet

CCfire

14 years 11 months ago

Esk, I just love receiving

Esk, I just love receiving your comments, even they are the poetry of a poet :) Thank you

Esker

14 years 11 months ago

poets of old

a lot of them were vying for money for publishing in the day and were rather ambitious here its open and a tad more relaxed I love your works I think you a hell of a fine poet Oh gotta go shopping now with the ex we are still freinds I should write about shopping one day

CCfire

14 years 11 months ago

Thanks and yes that's true.

Thanks and yes that's true..shopping..I remember reading one about finding Walt Whitman at the grocery store..it intrigued me, I wish I could remember it now.

Psyve

14 years 11 months ago

Chez

This is such a well penned description of the moment... a glimpse out of an open window, the warm southern californian wind interconnecting different lives... the lady with a cigarette standing in the street, the man in the building across the street watching a game on TV... the poet at her keyboard, waiting for the words to flow, and wondering what it is she is afraid most of...
Good job!

Psyve