Leslie

Sep 22, 2024 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 09/29/24 to 10/05/24

(Read More...)

Of Passion and Desire!

High the mark we strive for
driven by desire.
Palsied by the nuance
of the holy fire.

Driven to our knees
while trying to aspire.
The love there taken yesterday
we try to reacquire.

Never do we wander
nor languish in the mire.
Visions of tommorow
we clutch and then devour.

Our beds were never burning
nature was required.
Your voice I hear returning,
your presence was inspired!

Falling into Autumn leaves
make love as we perspire!
Given to our passion
at length we retire.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: A poem of passion. I hope you like!

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Ogden, Utah, USA

Favorite Poets: Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, Sting, Eric Bloom , and all of the poets at neo.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Candlewitch

1 year 7 months ago

Dear Leslie,

your poems, all seem to have just streamed easily from your heart and soul, to the tip of your pen! they feel effortless... I have always admired that about you! The lines I like best, are:

Falling into Autumn leaves
make love as we perspire!
Given to our passion
at length we wil retire. (add another "L" to wil)

*hugs, Cat

John Leslie O'Kelley

1 year 7 months ago

Of Passion and Desire!

Thanks so much, you always say the kindest things.

Geezer

1 year 7 months ago

Hmmmm...

Puts me in mind of the time when... Uhm... never mind. I was drawn into that scene. Nicely done sir. ~ Geez.
.

John Leslie O'Kelley

1 year 7 months ago

G

Thank you Sir I appreciate your comment very much. It is always good when you arrive. Have a wonderful day!

Geezer

1 year 6 months ago

BTW...

in your second line, the word desire is spelled wrong. ~ Geez.
.

Lavender

1 year 7 months ago

Of Passion and Desire

Hello, Leslie,
I feel both the passion, and the desire here. I might suggest flipping the final two stanzas. Very nice!
Thank you!
L

John Leslie O'Kelley

1 year 7 months ago

L

That is a really good idea, but I saved it to my google docs before changing it and now I don't think that it will be accepted! I'll try to change it later. I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for reading.

Lavender

1 year 6 months ago

Hello, Leslie,

I like your revisions. The poem's ending feels very settled and peaceful.
Thank you!
L

kowque

1 year 7 months ago

Hmmm

Alot to unpack

Thank you for sharing :)

John Leslie O'Kelley

1 year 7 months ago

Kowque

Hi I hope that you liked it, but maybe I'm a little naieve. I don't really know what you meant. sorry so stupid.

kowque

1 year 6 months ago

I read

Alot of techniques woven together

I'm not bright enough to piece it all together
But, I can appreciate the piece nonetheless

And enjoy it.

|Triskelion

1 year 6 months ago

"High the mark we strive for.."

... no truer words spoken and expressed as eloquently. The first line drew me in and I was impressed with the way you carried the rhyme through each stanza. You could say I am "inspired"

Cheers!
Thomas

John Leslie O'Kelley

1 year 6 months ago