Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
May 08, 2024
⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature
Stairway to the heavens
I brushed past a spirit on my way down the stairs,
And to their " bristly ends", stood those neck hairs,
I pondered in fright with some measured apprehension,
is this souls journey a decent or blessed ascension.
By the scent in the breezeway of a sweet, scented bouquet,
l knew this to be chardonnay and not Beaujolais
And as I turned and looked upward a floating orb then appeared
So homeward bound, her life's path faithfully steered.
— Izzi Reinier, May 08, 2024
Share this poem
About This Poem
Last Few Words: hello to all you wonderful neopoet writers.....
Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
2 years 2 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively uses imagery to create a vivid, supernatural scene. However, there are areas where the clarity and rhythm could be improved.
In the second line, the phrase "to, their 'bristly ends', stood those hairs" is somewhat confusing. It may be more effective to rephrase this for clarity, perhaps as "to their 'bristly ends', my hairs stood".
The rhyme scheme is inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. For instance, the first and second lines rhyme (stairs/hairs), but the third and fourth do not (apprehension/ascension). Consistent rhyme can help to create a more rhythmic, musical quality in the poem.
The phrase "be it pig farmer or ballet" in the fifth line is a bit unclear. If this is meant to represent a range of possible life paths, it might be more effective to use more universally recognizable examples.
The final line, "a life's path faithfully steered", is a strong ending. It effectively conveys the idea of a life well-lived and a peaceful journey to the afterlife. However, the phrase "she was homeward bound" in the line before is a bit cliché. Consider revising this phrase to something more unique and evocative.
Overall, the poem has a strong concept and effective imagery, but could benefit from more consistent rhyme and clearer phrasing.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
2 weeks 1 day ago
I am surprised...
that I missed commenting on this one.
This, to me, has a little bit of the supernatural flavor to it.
I have been 'haunted' so to speak with scents and feelings most all of my life. I know the feeling, the mood. So nice to know that one is not alone on that score. We like hearing these tales, save a couple for the Halloween season; I'm sure there will be a contest or two to use them on. I love this for the subtlety, the chill, but not scary context. ~ Good job!
~ Geezer.
Izzi Reinier
2 weeks ago
Critique
HI Geezer and thank you for your wonderful words of encouragement. Have been away from the site for a couple of years, just been too busy elsewhere but am happy to have found my way back. l think we could have some interesting conversations around life's observations forged in (dare l say it ..) inexplicable spiritual occurrences and, l am not a " god botherer ". Just deeply "tuned in" ... Have been reading some of the work shared on the site and l think the bar has been raised, some magnificent poetry. l do sincerely hope that your are managing well with your health, it is mid-winter down here in Australia and l guess you may be enjoying some sun and warmth in your part of the world. l think l may have seen that your surname is Caswell, not a common name, we have a much-celebrated song writer over here name of Alan Caswell, he collaborated on material with a fellow l knew in my past, Doug Ashdown, Doug's big hit was " Winter in America " a most beautiful song and arrangement, l don't think Alan was credited on that tune but was a significant part of Doug's Career. Kindest regards Izzi
Izzi Reinier
2 weeks ago
Critique
HI Geezer and thank you for your wonderful words of encouragement. Have been away from the site for a couple of years, just been too busy elsewhere but am happy to have found my way back. l think we could have some interesting conversations around life's observations forged in (dare l say it ..) inexplicable spiritual occurrences and, l am not a " god botherer ". Just deeply "tuned in" ... Have been reading some of the work shared on the site and l think the bar has been raised, some magnificent poetry. l do sincerely hope that your are managing well with your health, it is mid-winter down here in Australia and l guess you may be enjoying some sun and warmth in your part of the world. l think l may have seen that your surname is Caswell, not a common name, we have a much-celebrated song writer over here name of Alan Caswell, he collaborated on material with a fellow l knew in my past, Doug Ashdown, Doug's big hit was " Winter in America " a most beautiful song and arrangement, l don't think Alan was credited on that tune but was a significant part of Doug's Career. Kindest regards Izzi
Join Neopoet to leave a critique
Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.