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May 06, 2024
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Shapes
Punching away shadows, shapes
Back were they came from, from the street
Lights smothering the Inky abyss and pockets
Above the silk black blanket
A sinister grin from a ghostly moon
that changed its shape
from a horn to a circular glow
— Jokerface82, May 06, 2024
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About This Poem
Last Few Words: Rough hard to not be descriptive
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
2 years 2 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Shapes" effectively creates a vivid and mysterious atmosphere through its imagery and use of language. The contrast between light and darkness, as well as the transformation of the moon's shape, adds depth to the poem. However, consider exploring more specific details or descriptions to enhance the overall impact of the piece. Additionally, you may want to further develop the theme or message you are conveying to create a stronger connection with the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
2 years 2 months ago
Wait...
I can see a couple of places where you might have done less.
[Inky] abyss, [silk] black blanket.
~ Geezer.
.
Jokerface82
2 years 2 months ago
I put that together less than five minutes
I put that together less than five minutes lol
Jokerface82
2 years 2 months ago
My problem is I over use
I put to much in descriptions that's my problem
Jokerface82
2 years 2 months ago
Good one mark
Yeah cool
scribbler
2 years 2 months ago
Very good post for the shop
Next will be rewriting others' poems. Now I guess ya'll have noticed a drop in number of those still participating. This has resulted in my rethinking the last step. I had intended assigning each person another's poem to rewrite. But Now I am considering letting everybody rewrite all the submitted poems. But this being participant driven I'll ask for feedback on the direction ya'll prefer. Just post your thoughts here.
Rula
2 years 1 month ago
Hello
I wouldn't say this is without imagery or with the least or minimum of it. On the contrary, I thought it's a rich one with at least sight imagery
Geezer
2 years 1 month ago
There is little...
to give any texture or other sensory to. The images are such that any reference to taste, touch or smell will be lost on the reader. However, I will give it a go. ~ Geezer.
.
Geezer
2 years 1 month ago
Punching away shadows, shapes
Punching away shadows, shapes
Back were they came from, from the street
Lights smothering the Inky abyss and pockets
Above the silk black blanket
A sinister grin from a ghostly moon
that changed its shape
from a horn to a circular glow
Punching away shadows, shapes.
Back where they came from, from the gritty street
Lights smothering the pockets of odor with glare
Above the black, silk blanket
A sinister grin from the ghostly moon
that changed its shape
from a horn to a circular glow
Not much else you can do with what there is here,
without changing the poem a lot.
~ Geezer.
Rula
2 years 1 month ago
I agree sir Gee
you need to do major changes when adding different types of imagery, but I believe you did well here as I said earlier.
Geezer
2 years 1 month ago
Thank you...
I did the best I could. ~ Geez.
.
Jokerface82
2 years 1 month ago
Great stuff
Great well done
Jokerface82
2 years 1 month ago
Punching away shadows, shapes
Punching away shadows, shapes
Back were they came from, from the street
Lights smothering the Inky abyss and pockets
Above the silk black blanket
A sinister grin from a ghostly moon
that changed its shape
from a horn to a circular glow
Punching away midnight shadows,shapes,back were they came from, from the lanterns of urban light ,, choking the ink blanket , disappearing into the night pockets .A sinister curve from a phantom moon,that changed it's shape from a white witches nail to a glowing orb
Geezer
2 years 1 month ago
Nicely done sir...
I hope I will get to some more of your writing in the near future, as for the moment, I'm trying desperately to catch up. ~ Geez.
.
Jokerface82
2 years 1 month ago
Thank you
I haven't been on for a while because I have written one book and in the middle of another
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