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What Gets You Through the Day

Crimson sunlight, through windows at six
Inspires ideas, please let my future be bright
Music on; showered; dressed, and news channel one
No excessive spate: a sprightly daily fix
The hope to cope, with life is helped
By music and people; food, daydreams and wine
Birds when they sing: no need for a clock
Planning a meal – fried duck in a wok
Soup of the day, on the day I get paid
Reading, writing, illustrious plans to be made
Looking up at the sky, awaiting the stars
I’m thankful for life, knowing I’ll die
Knowing I’m here, and not knowing why
The wonderment of wonder, deep thoughts in bars
Time spent thinking and drinking: money plundered
My niece, nephew, farther and brother
And of the upmost importance: my wonderful mother

— Michael Keens, Dec 10, 2023

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Hants

More from this author

Critiques

neopoet

neopoet

1 month 1 week ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem captures a contemplative morning routine and the small but meaningful elements that help sustain the speaker through daily life. The imagery of “crimson sunlight” and “birds when they sing” effectively grounds the reader in sensory experience, while the reflections on life, death, and gratitude add emotional depth.

To enhance the poem’s impact, consider the following:

1. **Line Breaks and Pacing:** The poem is presented as a single stanza, which can make it feel dense. Breaking it into smaller stanzas—perhaps grouping morning rituals, sources of comfort, and reflections separately—would improve readability and emphasize shifts in tone or theme.

2. **Rhythm and Flow:** Some lines have uneven meter, which can disrupt the reading rhythm. For example, “No excessive spate: a sprightly daily fix” feels slightly awkward. Reading the poem aloud and adjusting word choice or line length could create a smoother cadence.

3. **Word Choice and Clarity:** Phrases like “money plundered” stand out but may confuse readers. Is this meant literally or metaphorically? Clarifying or rephrasing such lines would strengthen the poem’s coherence.

4. **Emotional Arc:** The poem moves from hopeful to existential (“I’m thankful for life, knowing I’ll die”), which is compelling. Expanding on this contrast—perhaps by exploring the tension between daily routines and larger questions—could deepen the poem’s resonance.

5. **Personal Connections:** The closing lines listing family members feel heartfelt but somewhat abrupt. Integrating these relationships more organically throughout the poem or elaborating on their significance might create a stronger emotional conclusion.

Overall, the poem has a solid foundation of vivid imagery and sincere reflection. Refining its structure and language will help the themes shine more clearly.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.