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Dec 10, 2023
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What Gets You Through the Day
Crimson sunlight, through windows at six
Inspires ideas, please let my future be bright
Music on; showered; dressed, and news channel one
No excessive spate: a sprightly daily fix
The hope to cope, with life is helped
By music and people; food, daydreams and wine
Birds when they sing: no need for a clock
Planning a meal – fried duck in a wok
Soup of the day, on the day I get paid
Reading, writing, illustrious plans to be made
Looking up at the sky, awaiting the stars
I’m thankful for life, knowing I’ll die
Knowing I’m here, and not knowing why
The wonderment of wonder, deep thoughts in bars
Time spent thinking and drinking: money plundered
My niece, nephew, farther and brother
And of the upmost importance: my wonderful mother
— Michael Keens, Dec 10, 2023
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About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem captures a slice of daily life with a contemplative and intimate tone, exploring the small rituals and relationships that help sustain the speaker. The imagery of "crimson sunlight" and "birds when they sing" effectively evokes a sense of morning calm and natural beauty, grounding the poem in sensory experience.
One strength is the way the poem balances mundane details—like "music on; showered; dressed" and "planning a meal – fried duck in a wok"—with larger existential reflections, such as "I’m thankful for life, knowing I’ll die" and "knowing I’m here, and not knowing why." This interplay gives the poem emotional depth and invites readers to consider the significance of everyday moments.
To enhance the poem further, consider the following:
1. **Line breaks and rhythm:** The poem is presented in a single stanza with lines of varying lengths. Introducing more deliberate line breaks or stanzas could help emphasize key ideas and improve the flow. For example, separating the daily routine from the reflections on mortality and relationships might create clearer thematic sections.
2. **Punctuation and clarity:** Some lines could benefit from punctuation to guide the reader’s pace and clarify meaning. For instance, the line "No excessive spate: a sprightly daily fix" is somewhat ambiguous; rephrasing or adding punctuation might sharpen its impact.
3. **Word choice and consistency:** The phrase "money plundered" stands out as more aggressive or negative compared to the generally gentle tone of the poem. If this is intentional, it could be developed further to clarify its significance; if not, a softer alternative might better suit the mood.
4. **Emotional resonance:** The closing lines emphasize family, culminating with "my wonderful mother." This is a strong emotional anchor. Expanding slightly on these relationships or the feelings they evoke could deepen the poem’s personal resonance.
Overall, the poem thoughtfully navigates the interplay between daily routine and existential contemplation. With some structural refinement and attention to tone, it can become even more impactful.
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