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Dec 09, 2023
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Rhetoric!
Volumes of thought race through
simplistic, conniving minds.
Communique sport is a ravishing trip.
Up with conundrum a rhetorical script.
Old school politics are long since forgotten,
but the river is rising up over its banks.
Soon all will know desolation’s foul scent!
So bring us your poor, your weak and your masses.
We'll dash them with words,
without batting an eyelash.
— Leslie, Dec 09, 2023
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About This Poem
Last Few Words: Politics as usual!
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem uses vivid imagery and a critical tone to address the manipulative power of rhetoric, especially in political contexts. The opening lines juxtapose “volumes of thought” with “simplistic, conniving minds,” suggesting a disconnect between the appearance of intellectual engagement and the reality of deceptive intent. The phrase “communique sport is a ravishing trip” introduces the idea of communication as both a game and a spectacle, highlighting the performative aspect of rhetoric.
The poem’s structure is loosely formal, with enjambment used to propel the reader forward, mirroring the relentless flow of rhetoric itself. The line “Up with conundrum a rhetorical script” is syntactically complex, perhaps intentionally mirroring the convoluted nature of political speech, though its inversion may momentarily hinder clarity.
References to “old school politics” and the metaphor of the “river...rising up over its banks” evoke a sense of impending crisis, suggesting that unchecked rhetoric leads to societal upheaval. The allusion to “bring us your poor, your weak and your masses” subverts the famous inscription on the Statue of Liberty, turning a symbol of welcome into one of exploitation. The final lines—“We’ll dash them with words, / without batting an eyelash”—underscore the poem’s central critique: that language is wielded as a weapon, often without remorse or accountability.
To strengthen the poem, consider refining some of the more abstract phrases (“communique sport is a ravishing trip”) to clarify their meaning or impact. The poem’s tone is consistent, but tightening the syntax in places could enhance its rhetorical force. The imagery is effective, and the poem’s critical stance is clear, but further specificity—perhaps through concrete examples or sharper metaphors—could deepen its engagement with the subject.
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