themoonman

Apr 17, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Words

You got your pocket full of ten-dollar words,
all precise and proper,
way too educated for a man like me ...

except;
I can see the want-to in your look,
the squirm in your seat,
where the shiver-me-here
is apparent ...

and me;
unable to contain myself,
the whisper of words is all that's left ...
I want you

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Pamela A. Lamppa

15 years ago

Subtly sensual

This is subtly sensual and just a delight to read.
Your ending line is simply stated and all that is needed.
The only change I would make is:

"way to educated for a man like me ..."

to should be "too"

Other than that, I would leave this alone. You have used brevity in verse quite well and everything you needed to say was said. Just lovely. ~Pamela

themoonman

15 years ago

Hi Pam ...

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it, ain't it just like me to
make a spelling error ... thanks!

Richard

themoonman

15 years ago

Hi Eph ...

appreciate the tip-o-the-hat ... right back at ya!

Richard

Eduardo Cruz

15 years ago

Richard

I bow to you and the magic you use to weave your poems. Talk about the value of words, these are worth their weight in gold.
Eddie C

themoonman

15 years ago

Eddie ...

Thank you sir, a bow back to ya ...

themoonman

15 years ago

Hiya Chrys ....

Thank you so much for your honesty, it's a very good
quality. I had left this title simple, but now I may have to
come up with something else ... thanks!

My sister doesn't have a computer yet, she is working
on it though.

Richard

scribbler

15 years ago

hi Richard

They Do say most men marry up lol. Have to agree about title needing work though.............stan

themoonman

15 years ago

lol

thanks Stan ... agree about the title, got any suggestions?

scribbler

15 years ago

hello

UNSPOKEN WORDS ?

Geezer

15 years ago

How about...

Enough Said? I really enjoyed this one, Richard. As the others have said: Brevity, is good! Just what I wish, that I might have said. ~ Gee