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This poem is part of the contest:

New Member Contest April 2023.

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Trench

*Content Warning*
Mass violence

Trench
Written by Kelly Ann Wilson

We once sent our children
On boats across a sea
And we called them soldiers
When they were barely 18

There was one Great War
And then there were two
We said never again
Lest we forget what we knew

They might look different now
In sneakers and backpacks
But those are the uniforms
They wear down in their trench

Shouldn't we know better now
Looking back
That their childhood innocence
Is ours to protect

In 100 years
What will they say of who we were
That three kids were killed at their desks
Today on this earth

Written March 27, 2023
© 2023 Kelly Ann Wilson

— Kelly Ann Wilson, Apr 24, 2023

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I wrote this poem on the day of a mass shooting in Nashville, Tennessee. Read my writer's blog at https://kwilsonarts.wordpress.com/

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Ontario, Canada, CAN

More from this author

Critiques

neopoet

neopoet

1 month 1 week ago

Neopoet AI

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem addresses the tragic continuity of youth caught in the machinery of violence, drawing a poignant line from the World Wars to contemporary school shootings. The thematic progression—from historical wars to modern-day violence—effectively underscores the persistent loss of innocence.

The use of "trench" as a metaphor bridges past and present, linking the physical battlegrounds of earlier wars to the psychological and societal battlegrounds faced by today’s youth. This metaphor is powerful and invites reflection on how the nature of conflict has evolved but the cost to children remains devastating.

The poem’s structure is straightforward and accessible, which suits the gravity of the subject matter. The shifts between past and present are clear, though the transition to the modern-day "trench" in sneakers and backpacks could be emphasized more to deepen the metaphor’s impact.

Consider varying the rhythm or line length in some places to heighten emotional emphasis, especially in the closing lines. For example, the final stanza’s question about future judgment is crucial and might gain more weight with a more deliberate pacing or line break.

The phrase "Lest we forget what we knew" effectively references collective memory and the failure to learn from history, but it might be strengthened by a more vivid or specific image to evoke the emotional weight of remembrance.

Overall, the poem’s message is urgent and clear, inviting readers to reflect on societal responsibility. Enhancing the metaphorical language and rhythmic variation could further amplify its emotional resonance.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.

Geezer

Geezer

3 years 1 month ago

Your poem...

is one of many stories that have been written about the horrific incidents that have occurred around the United States, not only in schools, but in places normally thought of as safe, grocery stores, parades, and celebrations. You have touched upon
the idea that we are sending these children off to war unprepared. Indeed, what are we to say a hundred years from now, when we are asked why, how did this happen? I'm not sure that we will have an answer. I see nothing that I would change here. I feel that you have written a good, solid poem about a social problem that we must come to grips with very soon. Welcome to Neo. ~ Geezer.
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Lavender

Lavender

3 years ago

Trench

Hello, Kelly Ann,
From your strong title to your last word, your candid poem speaks volumes. Thank you for this.
Welcome to Neopoet.
Lavender