November 2022 Random Challenge Sick Of Turkey 🏆 Winner

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Sick of Turkey

There once was a man named Perkey,
He spent his life eating just turkey.
he got his sharpened knife,
and slaughtered his careless wife.
Now, he's sick of eating jerky.

— Rula, Nov 01, 2022

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Not that I expect to win the contest but thought that the title is perfect for writing a Limerick.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

Critiques

Lavender

3 years 7 months ago

Sick of Turkey

Hi, Rula,
Yes, it's the perfect topic for a limerick, and yours is spot-on! You might want to tighten it up a bit, if I may, for example:
There once was a man named Perkey
Spent his life eating just turkey

along with eliminating a few words and tightening up in the other lines, as well. Also, does "poorish" fit the description of his wife? Seems there is a bit more to her - maybe she's stubborn, or lacking culinary skills, or simply doesn't care?

An enjoyable limerick, and being vegan, I'm sure many turkeys thank you for this one!
L

Rula

3 years 7 months ago

Thank you

dear lavender for the comment and for helping with this one. I'll edit as suggested. Limericks were never easy and a bit challenging on both levels, meter and sense of humor.
Always great to get the help from the masters. Really appreciate it.

Rula

3 years 7 months ago

Any better?

would be happy to know if this gave anyone a chuckle or even a smile

Lavender

3 years 7 months ago

Reading this again,

yes! Much better! It gave me a big smile first, and then a hearty chuckle. Delightful limerick, perfect for the topic of turkey-lurkeys. (And unhappy husbands...)
Thank you!
L