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Jun 26, 2021
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Springtime Haiku...
brightly hued blossoms
chill breezes, frozen fingers
delight in her grasp
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
|Triskelion
4 years 10 months ago
This is
my idea of haiku. It introduces the season with suggestions and finishes with a surprise line that ties the other two lines together. I especially enjoyed your use of two of our six senses, but the emotive last line is a perfect frame. Very good!
Thomas
Geezer
4 years 10 months ago
Thank you...
I kept the original idea and the last line, because I thought that you had a point. Thank you for your read and comment. ~ Geez.
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Obadiah Grey
4 years 10 months ago
Hello, Geez.
Hello, Geez.
You've wasted two words with personal pronouns, the "nature" bit is fine but why are you in it.
Hate these damned things btw,,, a tad beyond me,,, yeah yeah yeah, a personal pronoun, I know!
Obi.
Geezer
4 years 10 months ago
there!...
no personal pronouns! Thank you for your critique, it made me go back and take a second look at the form! ~ Geez.
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Lavender
4 years 9 months ago
Springtime Haiku
Hello, Geezer,
You have captured the essence of Spring. Your last line is wonderful!
Thank you!
L
Geezer
4 years 9 months ago
Thank you...
I appreciate your comments, especially since they are favorable. LoL
~ Geez.
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scribbler
4 years 9 months ago
Hi Geeze
Try a comma between breezes and frozen. It might clarify your intent