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Feb 24, 2021
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The Ghosts You Hid
As he leaned into me
I flirted with the ghost
Of the last love he had left,
He let his body be her host.
Loving him felt like sad theft,
For shadows still haunted his throat.
— mddy, Feb 24, 2021
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About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Critiques
Geezer
5 years 3 months ago
I think...
that I get it. "He let his body be her host," is that he let her use his body and didn't ever stop wanting her? [That's why it felt like a sad theft.] "Her name still in his throat?" [He sometimes stumbled when he went to say your name?] I'm all for brevity in
a poem, yet I agree, maybe you could clear it up a little bit. How about saying: "Loving him felt like a sad theft
. . Because he had never let go
.and shadows still haunted his throat.
It's your work, you decide if you or what you want to use. Nice stuff! ~ Geezer.
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scribbler
5 years 3 months ago
Hi Maddy
A belated welcome to Neopoet. A vert succinct poem which gives the reader a lot to think about and can be interpreted to mean more than one thing