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CHORE (title workshop)
OK here's my poem and I was actually TOLD by 2 different people that the title is weak
CHORE
Submitted by scribbler on Mon, 2011-01-31 09:08
It's time I check the spring pasture
during this rare late winter thaw
beneath bright skies of deep azure.
I'll walk there by way of the draw.
The usual crop of winter stones
which earth has pushed above the grass,
white quartz shining like old bones.
I'll gather up some as I pass.
They'll add to a stone walls girth
or outline the clear spring's source.
Of rocks there never is a dearth.
It will take some work, of course.
Next is time to walk the fence
to check for sags and broken wire
especially where the woods are dense
and across the boggy mire.
With luck I'll find that all is well
and not for too long be away;
just a walk among the dell.
I'll be home by end of day.
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
Rula
6 years 1 month ago
Stan
You forgot to choose the title's workshop from the window drop, so that we give official comments.
scribbler
6 years 1 month ago
OOPS!
Will correct that now
Rula
6 years 1 month ago
Chore
For me, chores are things you do and yet you're not pleased, but you have to do anyways. At your poem, the speaker sounds happy as he's doing what's he doing
But I still find your title reasonable. Another expresive title could be
" A Day Out"
" Serving My Beloved Land"
c lynn brooks
6 years 1 month ago
Stan
love the poem
but yes I would say the title is weak
may I suggest something like
All In A Day's Work or By Day's End something along those llines
tyro
6 years 1 month ago
I also do not find chore a
I also do not find chore a good title as it seemed more like a stroll. So I come up with two ideas
1.dutiful stroll
2, devoir
scribbler
6 years 1 month ago
with all these suggestions I'm sure they will at least inspire
another title although it might not be word for word
Geezer
6 years 1 month ago
How about...
Checking on the Ranch? Or Duty Wants to Walk With Me? ~ Geez.
.
scribbler
6 years 1 month ago
Hi Gee
Both are good suggestions
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