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Mar 10, 2020
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I am the Flower
there many flowers in a garden
but a certain flower is spotted.
a colorful one it is,
like a combination of a red rose and hibiscus,
the scent sent pleasant savours to the nose.
this flower is what you could use to win a heart.
in this garden
grows other flowers,
but they are not beautiful,
they had no colors,
like flowers in a desert.
do you know
I am that flower
colorful in the garden of life,
scentful and beautiful,
born by the Lily of the Valley
planted by a planter of different flowers?
zoom into me
& see beauty.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
c lynn brooks
5 years 8 months ago
there are(line one)
there are(line one)
verse2 line 2 grow not grows
verse 2 line 4 have not had
verse two may I suggest finding another comparison desert flowers are colorful and beautiful
perhaps like flowers left to die would be one or left to dry might be another
last line try
sower(not planter) of different flowers see if you think this works better for you
Geezer
5 years 8 months ago
Ecellent suggestions...
from Chrys. I see the same things, but I also see the love blooming in your garden. Keep working on it, and it will be a masterpiece that you can use to win their love. ~ Geezer.
.
Gracy
5 years 8 months ago
Very pretty poem, Tomiwa. I
Very pretty poem, Tomiwa. I think you could tweak it a little, just one suggestion, but I'll return.
I am that flower
colorful in the garden of life,
"I'm a flower in the garden of life".
Or:
"I'm a flower in life's garden".
That sort of tightens up the verses. There are a few grammatical tips, but I'm off now. Enjoyed.