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Oct 23, 2017
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warning
.
time flies
like an arrow
fruit flies
like things sweet.
smoking clogs
your arteries
and may well burn
your feet..
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Eumolpus
8 years 6 months ago
and....
keep going. For me it's a few very good catchy pencil lines as you are starting a sketch, but the finished drawing is far still off.
Gunnar Hedlund
8 years 5 months ago
thank you emu soup fifty cryptic good singer...
my apologies
but it is as is
and needs know
nothing
apologies
no not know
swamp-witch
8 years 6 months ago
Hey Gunnar,
I think I agree with Eumolpus, would love to see this developed into something more. You've got our attention, keep going! Develop that warning into something we may not have thought of before.
Kelsey
Gunnar Hedlund
8 years 5 months ago
But more is less, so they say....
...so be content with what you have,
it's all we know.
Thank you intently,
Gunnar.
Geezer
8 years 6 months ago
In total...
agreement. Let's have a bit more!
~ Geezer.
.
Gunnar Hedlund
8 years 5 months ago
mor? that's three-quarters. is that enou? (that's two-thirds)
or did you mean something more than
as opposed to a bit more?
no mind, but thank you Geezer.
Gunnar
Gunnar Hedlund
8 years 5 months ago
apologies to the above reviewers...
...there are times when i feel like a weird elf
snapping at your heels
because i can.
g
Gunnar Hedlund
8 years 5 months ago
simply,
smoking clogs may well burn your feet
if you happen upon wearing them
at the time of their combustion.
sorry, i didn't mean to set the world alight.
where's mr crud, when you need him?