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May 16, 2016
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Triolet - Love's Promise
She promised faithful love forever more,
a paramour with no regard to time
revived a heart once crushed and split in twain.
She promised faithful love forever more
to grow from strength to even greater gain,
what we then shared can’t ever be denied.
She promised faithful love forever more,
a paramour with no regard to time.
— Keith Logan, May 16, 2016
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About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Critiques
Rula
10 years ago
I like this
Mr. Logan. The sentiments show without being clichéd.
I also liked the 'more'/ 'paramour' eternal rhyme.
Thank you for sharing.
PS. I assume that your discard of the punctuation towards the end intentional?
Keith Logan
10 years ago
Nope
just sloppy cut and paste.
jane210660
10 years ago
See you're writing in
See you're writing in triolets again :-)
As Rula says, the sentiments show and it's not over blousey.
Jx
Keith Logan
10 years ago
A challenge
I just can't resist. As I always say, I can't stand sitting.
judyanne
10 years ago
nice triolet Keith
I have trouble with the meter of:
'what we then shared can’t ever be denied'
Does
'and what we shared can never be denied' say the same thing?
Is 'forevermore' one word?
Good to see you picking up a challenge :-)
Love judy
xxx
Keith Logan
10 years ago
Well
it is very nearly the same meaning and is very smooth. I'll think about it, which I never meant to do. It more or less wrote itself, as a simple throw away piece.