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May 25, 2015
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Chair (Haiku) - Exploration of Style WS
I
stale smell of old books,
light divides the dark in two,
I wake from my work
II
sensation returns,
singing bursts from the garden:
your light rouses me.
III
otherworldly hum,
screech against the wooden floor,
something works upstairs.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Couldn't decide on one, so I posted three.
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Jonathan Moore
10 years 11 months ago
I like these
I believe the third one best meets the criteria.
William Saint George
10 years 11 months ago
Thanks Jonathan
I couldn't have done it without the first two.
alidzain
10 years 11 months ago
William
I agree with Jon. The third one really describes a chair.
Alid
William Saint George
10 years 11 months ago
Thanks Alid
I never intended to describe a chair, but I guess the last one works.
Rula
10 years 11 months ago
I thought
the second one works too, but none of the three has a direct reference to a chair. Just my opinion.
alidzain
10 years 11 months ago
Salam, Rula
I have to disagree. You see when you drag a chair, there's the 'screeching' sound, hence the reference to a chair.
Alid
Rula
10 years 11 months ago
Salam Khalid
Like in my haiku, not so direct to the subject. Many things can cause that sound. Again, just what I thought.
William Saint George
10 years 11 months ago
It was deliberate, Rula
For some reason I've tried to avoid naming the subject or referencing it directly in any of the poems I submitted. Where I name the subject, I make it such that you'll only notice it if you're more interested in the question: Was the subject actually used in the poem?