Timbo

Sep 17, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Goodnight Kiss

Living in another world
singing a different song.
Keeps me away from you
it’s been for far too long.

So I’ll take the early plane
to get back home tonight.
I can’t get to sleep anymore
if I can’t kiss you goodnight.

Never wanted to go away
but I just thought I should.
Doing things, the best I can
to bring about some good.

I need to be home again
singing a familiar song.
Knowing I am with you
back where I belong.

I’m taking the early plane
to be home with you tonight.
Knowing we’ll be together
and I can kiss you goodnight.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Been a while, my pen had dried up somewhat. Tim

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Favorite Poets: Rather than poets I tend to be influenced by songwriters and have a love of lyrics.

Comments

wesley snow

12 years 7 months ago

Seems rather wet to me.

A very sentimental piece.

Timbo

12 years 7 months ago

wet

well, I live in a wet climate!

tim

Timbo

12 years 7 months ago

Good of you to take the time out to read and comment like you have and yes I do like the idea of this poem being a bit like a song.
I agree some of the ryhming needs abit of attention too although my only intended ryhme is the 2nd and 4th line in each verse.
I tend to stick to simple ryhme as much as possible or I got lost in trying to get out what I'm trying to say.
But even at my age I'm still learning .
thanks for the advice,
Tim

mand

12 years 7 months ago

Hi Timbo

This is a sweet poem. It exudes love and longing. I like the flow and the rhyming structure. I think this is an all round down to earth lovely poem.

Well done.

Mand xxxx

Timbo

12 years 7 months ago

Thank you

Thank you Mand,
Your comments are important to me and very meaningful and encouraging. My pen has been running on empty for a long time.
take care,
Tim

Ian.T

12 years 7 months ago

Tim

Just a song but songs are OK the sentiment is fine.
I see we must find the anger button to see what happens.
Take care and just write we will read,
Yours Ian.T

Timbo

12 years 7 months ago

Thanks for dropping by and

Thanks for dropping by and reading Ian.
best regards,
Tim

Rula

12 years 7 months ago

I would

change the last line to

"and I can kiss you goodnight"
to kiss you goodnight.

Have you joined the family yet?

Timbo

12 years 7 months ago

Thank you Rula, I agree with

Thank you Rula, I agree with you about the last line, I'm not really happy with it.
Not sure if what you suggest works with the previous line, so I will have to give it some thought.
However, your feedback has confirmed to me I need to change it.
Not written for a while, in fact it's been 18 months, so I'm testing myself out with this one.
thanks,
Tim

lovedly

8 years 8 months ago

yes now I know

being the longest member of Neo
i have read you long ago
still young at heart
even retired now you are
as you say so
'twas long ago
just by the way
Now i rarely post
but poetry still flows
as comments
all know
so be free and frank
to wallow
hope you do follow