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Jan 30, 2013
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Spider
The colored leaves
Hide my eyes
The spider web
Retrieves my rhymes
Wrapped in silken
Bed she lies
Her pillowed head
Spun sunset die
— club special, Jan 30, 2013
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About This Poem
Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Critiques
weirdelf
13 years 3 months ago
I'm not sure I get this.
the line
Retrieves my rhymes
could be re-worked, IMO,
perhaps
Bespeaks my rhymes,
just a suggestion.
Not sure about the last line either
Spun sunset die[s]
I like it, but it could use some work.
Or I am stupid.