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elefentee
Member since June 2, 2014
Member for 12 years
member
2
Poems
14
Comments
1
Follower
Most recent
cloud break
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Mrs Duncan sits in her wheelchair
letting family and friends
press food into her hands,
and tissues to her dry eyes
a single framed photo
graces the polished sideboard.
his long, gentle face, surrounded
by cards and flowers,
smiles out at those gathered there
Mrs Duncan seems indifferent
their youngest daughter, a black beetle,
scurries between kitchen and lounge room
with plate after plate after plate
Read the rest of the poem Show less
of food
activity keeps her from screaming
muffled conversations
sound around the room
in a corner, the cat on his chair
eyes the scene with lazy curiosity
and an almost desire to swipe a paw
at the next person who tries to pat him
teaspoons tinkle against china like fairy bells
the clock on the wall tick tocks away
outside, in the garden,
eight year old Pannee is twirling
catching raindrops on her tongue
.
elefentee’s timeline
- June 2024
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02 SunAnniversary
10 years of membership
- June 2019
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02 SunAnniversary
5 years of membership
- June 2015
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02 TueAnniversary
One year of membership
- November 2014
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17 MonCritiqued
"f r e n c h d o o r s " by @Esker
"this moved me a once upon a time, scrimshawed on a bone of remebrance your use of language and turn of phrase had me completely captivated by their unfolding. words spoke, and pictures fell from their mouths thank you f…" -
17 MonNew follower
@Esker
- September 2014
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28 SunCritiqued
"Because I can" by @weirdelf
""...it is not what people believe, it is what they are that matters." for me, these words ring true." - August 2014
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17 SunReceived a critique
on cloud break from @weirdelf
"They empower through succinctity and improved word choice. As young surfers, seeing a perfect wave, we would say "not a drop of water out of place". Not a word out of place here." - June 2014
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28 SatReceived a critique
on cloud break from @themoonman
"A quiet mouse heard (strength is indeed a virtue) ... thanks for posting this eloquent piece. Welcome to Neopoet. Richard" -
26 ThuReceived a critique
on cloud break from @Ian.T
"Your first work has been well accepted here and was very good have you more for us to read. Your Profile seems vague or are you waiting to see if we are a good bunch ??. You take care out there and once again come talk…" -
26 ThuReceived a critique
on cloud break from @Roscoe Lane
"Exceptional start, look forward to reading more. A heartfelt welcome to Neopoet. Love Roscoe..." -
12 ThuCritiqued
"Post-modern Grief" by @weirdelf
"reading this, i couldn't help but visualise a Rodin-like The Thinker figure. a man acutely aware of his pain, yet just as acutely aware that to the observer - existent or not - he is no more than a figure depicting that…" -
11 WedCritiqued
"At Last With Fall" by @paleoray
"ahhh...i see. thanks for your explanation re the question mark. re verdant .. merely a suggestion. of course the writer has final say. just re-read your poem. enjoyed it just as much as the first time." -
11 WedCritiqued
"the street light" by @emeka ozurumba
"emeka, reading this, i feel as weirdelf did .. and i'm not even drunk! i've read this through a few times, and seem to only "get" snippets here and there. i feel the problem lies with me though. this doesn't read as ran…" -
11 WedCritiqued
"At Last With Fall" by @paleoray
"re Ian T's comment: if someone wants to include their beliefs, whatever they may be, in their writings, i have no problem with that. the only time i would have a problem with it, is if the author was "preaching" to the…" -
11 WedFirst critique offered
on "At Last With Fall" (since unpublished) by @paleoray
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04 WedReceived a critique
on cloud break from @emeka ozurumba
"the poem has good reflections and is easily read, good write and i hope you learn from more writers, yours truly emeka" -
04 WedReceived a critique
on cloud break from @Geezer
"Welcome to Neo. I hope that you will find Neopoet as rewarding as I do. It is a place where you will find a great many poets and as many different types of poetry as you will find anywhere. This is a site that will chal…" -
04 WedReceived a critique
on cloud break from @Ian.T
"Firstly, Welcome to Neopoet site and I hope your walks with us here will be good for us all. Primarily a workshop to learn poetry but we do freelance into our own worlds outside of the workshops, but you will soon see h…" -
03 TueReceived a critique
on cloud break from @weirdelf
"An elegant elegy, if I read it right. There is a deceptive depth to this, a delicacy of feeling, fine poetry and lovely writing. I look forward to more. Our job here is to offer constructive critique however I find myse…" -
03 TueFirst publication
cloud break
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03 Tue
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03 Tue
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02 MonJoined Neopoet
Membership begins
First poem published 1 days later.
About Me
Location: AUS
Favorite Poets
esker
Recent Work
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