DiPrima

Member since May 31, 2016

Member for 10 years

member

11 Poems

55 Comments

1 Follower

Most recent

GOLDEN YEARS

Posted Jan 20, 2017 · 27 lines · 6 critiques

Who first called these the golden years,
some bard still in his youth?
If he lived to be my golden age,
he’d know the woeful truth.

You get a slowness to your gait,
your memory’s not so great,
your ears start getting longer with each day.
You can’t chew, you can’t screw,
minor bumps turn black and blue.
and your hair gets grey and slowly goes away.

You lose strength and muscle mass
while adding inches to your ass,
and your belly starts to look a lot like Buddha’s.
Your skin gets thin and spotty,

Read the rest of the poem Show less

you barely make it to the potty
and your manly pecs turn into saggy boobs

Your eyes start getting squinty
they’re no longer twenty/twenty,
and your hearing leaves a lot to be desired.
Your joints get sore and achy
your balance somewhat shaky
‘cause your “good-to” date has long ago expired.

Sing praises of the Golden Years?
I think I’ll take a pass.
As for me the Golden Years
can kiss my senior …. my senior …
Did I mention memory loss?

DiPrima’s timeline

May 2026
31 Sun

Anniversary
10 years of membership
May 2021
31 Mon

Anniversary
5 years of membership
May 2017
31 Wed

Anniversary
One year of membership
February 2017
08 Wed

Critiqued
"What A Fool, The Wind!" by @Basya
"The rhythm, the pacing, the visual imagery and clever rhyming. What's not to like? Well done"
January 2017
22 Sun

Received a critique
on GOLDEN YEARS from @alidzain
"Good one! Keep on writing! Alid"
21 Sat

Received a critique
on GOLDEN YEARS from @jane210660
"Another witty, fun - but horribly accurate write. If I was being hugely technical and nit picky, I'd say the rhythm was off in one or two places, but I'm not feeling hugely technical or nit picky, so I'm not going to sa…"
21 Sat

Received a critique
on GOLDEN YEARS from @WonderWoods
"I can relate to this - every day. This was a very enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing."
21 Sat

Received a critique
on GOLDEN YEARS from @themoonman
"I was going to say something but plum forgot what it was ... loved it too much, related all the way through. thanks for sharing"
20 Fri

Posted a poem
GOLDEN YEARS
"Who first called these the golden years,"
Open thread 27 lines
August 2016
30 Tue

Received a critique
on A GANGSTA'S RAP FOR HIS LADY ON THEIR FIRST ANNIVERSARY from @Esker
"its like being on the stock room floor..maybe the hold over from market..getting the good deals..I remember my step dad being dragged through a sale downtown toronto...then u could smoke in the stores...hard too believe…"
29 Mon

Received a critique
on A GANGSTA'S RAP FOR HIS LADY ON THEIR FIRST ANNIVERSARY from @Esker
"I remember a moment...not about rap mid eighties..I had a huge mercury cougar and my short wide blonde big mouthed sicilian woman was shotgun we rolled into an old petrol station little italy and there were two cars ahe…"
29 Mon

Received a critique
on Zombies in Onesies from @Roscoe Lane
"Loved this, brought back some beautiful ( horrible ) memories. Love Roscoe..."
28 Sun

Received a critique
on A GANGSTA'S RAP FOR HIS LADY ON THEIR FIRST ANNIVERSARY from @jane210660
"Doesn't cross any lines for me, I took it as humorous/tongue in cheek. Clever write, I loved it. Jx"
24 Wed

Critiqued
"Omran" by @judyanne
"The content touches, moves and shames all at once. How you managed to keep this tone and narrative going with end rhymes on each line that seem effortless is masterful, indeed. Enjoyed it very much. Cheers ... Mike"
24 Wed

Posted a poem
Weekend Dad
"It’s Saturday morning at Ronald McDonald’s,"
Open thread 18 lines
07 Sun

Critiqued
"Heart Disease" by @Shyanne18
"This poem rings of honesty and sincerity. Well done. No doubt heartbreak can have physical manifestations, but this line confuses me a bit. Not sure of its purpose or intention. Doctor said my heart’s too big. ‘It's not…"
07 Sun

Critiqued
"The Heart of Autumn" by @Vivovon
"I love poetry with a story. I wouldn't separate the two but weld them together a little tighter with greater word economy and, in some cases, more relevant imagery ("Plunk like a skunk"??) Enjoyed the content and essent…"
07 Sun

Critiqued
"Sticks and stones" by @jane210660
"Loved the content. I think I agree with Sparrow on the structural changes to give the piece more breathing space and balance. Well done. Cheers ... Mike"
07 Sun

Most-discussed work
Beach Boy

11 critiques to date.
07 Sun

Posted a poem
Beach Boy
"I wade into the surf chest deep"
Open thread 32 lines
02 Tue

Critiqued
"THE DRAGS" by @weirdelf
"Please spare me the "if you look." I get lost very easily. In a nutshell, what classic form are you referring to? I bought "The Ode Less Traveled," as you suggested. Would it be in there somewhere in the 352 pages? Amph…"
02 Tue

Critiqued
"Miniscule Partisanz" by @Esker
"Prosaic, poetic, sensitive, empathetic, moving imagery and tone. Love it. Well done. Thank you. cheers ... Mike"
02 Tue

Critiqued
"THE DRAGS" by @weirdelf
"The vernacular of drag/bike racing is so alien to me as to be from another world, yet I got the gist of the narrative (I think) and the strong machismo tone very clearly. I got engaged in the read in spite of my ignoran…"
July 2016
10 Sun

New follower
@jane210660
09 Sat

Posted a poem
Zombies in Onesies
"Toddlers' walking is hell unleashed"
Open thread 20 lines
02 Sat

Posted a poem
WOKE UP THIS MORNIN'
"You can talk about your symphonies,"
Open thread 33 lines
June 2016
26 Sun

Posted a poem
DROP BY DROP
"Raindrops fall in the hills"
Open thread 33 lines
15 Wed

Posted a poem
ORLANDO
"In the face of tragedy or disaster"
Open thread 30 lines
11 Sat

Posted a poem
Gym Blues
"Exercising is not fun."
Open thread 25 lines
11 Sat

First critique offered
on "RUNNING WITH THE BULLS" by @Geremia
03 Fri

First publication
THE PLUCKY DUCK
03 Fri

Posted a poem
THE PLUCKY DUCK
"Along the banks of a raging river,"
Open thread 83 lines
May 2016
31 Tue

Joined Neopoet
Membership begins

First poem published 3 days later.

About Me

About me

I am a freelance writer wishing to try my hand at poetry. Haphazardly self taught. In need of critical ears and experienced tips. I need direction separating prose from poetry.

Advertising is my background. Started as a writer, retired as a supervisor, returned to copywriting as a freelancer.

Location: Atlanta, GA USA, USA

Favorite Poets

Tennyson

Poe

Keats

Longfellow

Elizabeth Bishop

Frost

Wilfred Owen

Many others ...

Contest Wins

This member has not yet won any contests.

Workshops

		Skill level:
RHYME PATTERNS (let's begin)	(syllabus)	Splash Pool	Started 2021-02-24	Concluded

Followed By

jane210660

10 years of membership

5 years of membership

One year of membership

"What A Fool, The Wind!" by @Basya

on GOLDEN YEARS from @alidzain

on GOLDEN YEARS from @jane210660

on GOLDEN YEARS from @WonderWoods

on GOLDEN YEARS from @themoonman

on A GANGSTA'S RAP FOR HIS LADY ON THEIR FIRST ANNIVERSARY from @Esker

on A GANGSTA'S RAP FOR HIS LADY ON THEIR FIRST ANNIVERSARY from @Esker

on Zombies in Onesies from @Roscoe Lane

on A GANGSTA'S RAP FOR HIS LADY ON THEIR FIRST ANNIVERSARY from @jane210660

"Omran" by @judyanne

"Heart Disease" by @Shyanne18

"The Heart of Autumn" by @Vivovon

"Sticks and stones" by @jane210660

"THE DRAGS" by @weirdelf

"Miniscule Partisanz" by @Esker

"THE DRAGS" by @weirdelf

on "RUNNING WITH THE BULLS" by @Geremia

Membership begins

About Me

Recent Work

Contest Wins

Workshops

Followed By